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Location: Chicago, United States

I am now at the prime of my life and have been married for the past 25 years. Sickly at times, but wants to see the elixir vita, so that I will be able to see my grandchildren from my two boys.

Monday, February 27, 2006


Dear Auntie Patti Koh,

People say that when they see a couple that looks very alike of each other, they are said to be compatible. Strange but I don't know if its true, I was reading an article in a Medical Journal, it says at times because of the prolong relationship of couples with each other, there is what you call the bombardment of molecules from each person's body that creates a facial similarity of the couple.

Sometimes also, this similarity becomes a prevailing thoughts and mode of thinking that the couples are very much into each other and understand and love each other.

I think I will disagree on that.

There are couples who wants to foster an image to show only to relatives and friends that everything is fine and dandy -- but inside, is like a steam from a boiling couldron that wanted to release the steam and bent all the hidden oxygen within the steam.

I wanted to release such steam, I wanted to open up the couldron inside me, I wanted to uncover the cover of the said couldron to let the angry steam to come forth and release its tension and bring forth a new space within the inside of me. I wish life could just be that simple -- specially married state of life and state of mind.

There are times, I was asking myself if I was in the right path of life or why am I here --- it's like I was suddenly awaken and there I am in a strange place, in a strange land, in a strange situation that I cannot leave and get away with. It's like I was dump or I have fallen in a big pool of quicksand, wherein the more I move, the more I get buried, slowly and painfully and painstakingly cannot get out of it.

That is the reason, Auntie Patti Koh, I wanted to go some place wherein there is no computer, no telephone, no television, nobody else except me and the natue around me. Maybe I will be able to see if there is really a quicksand that is engulfing me, and if there is still a chance to get out of that God foreaken mud.


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