ARE THESE PASSENGERS CRAZY OR WHAT????

Dear Auntie Pattie Koh,

I came home early today. I am not feeling well, my Trigeminal Neuralgia is really upsetting me. The pain is unbearable. The calls in my line are wost also. So many complaints from weird passengers.

My first call is from this old lady (she sounds old on the phone) complaining about he expensive silk scarf that she said she bought in New York. (I have not in China town). She was blaming the flight attendants, stealing her expensive silk scarf.

So I asked her, where was the scarf when it was stolen.
She said it was around her neck. I was asking her, if it was around your neck, how can the flight attendant steal it from her neck, without her knowing it.

She said she was asleep and when she woke up, the scarf is gone.
This woman is now demanding for compensation. Okey --- so I gave her US$25.00 travel certificate. Then she shut her big mouth.

Naku, Auntie Patti Koh..... the scarf is not expensive after all, she accepted the travel certificate that I gave her for $25.00. It's either she just want to get something from me ---- or she is just plain sinile or crazy.

The second call came from a Pinay, who is very rude on the phone and arrogant also. She was claiming that she went shopping in Korea duty free shop, The most expensive perfumes money can buy.

She placed the duty free shopping bag underneath the seat infront of her.
She forgot it, and only realized that she does not have it --- when she arrived home and unpacking her suitcase.

This is how the conversation went on....
"Heelow (hellow)... I was unburd (onboard) flt so and so."
"I leeft (left) a bug (bag) underneat the sit infrunt (infront) of me".
"Beery (very) expinsive (expensive) perfumes. You must find it."

So I explained to this passenger, she can call the lost and found at JFK, and she can live her name, phone contact and brief description of what she was looking for and if the agent has located it, she will get a call. After 72 hours from the time she called and there is no call.... it means to say, the airport did not locate the item she was looking for.

This woman yelled at me and said ....
"Istupido (stupid)...my husband is a loooyear (lawyer) I will saw (sue) your company".

I hang up the phone, I will not be insulted by a Filipino with a curled tongue when she speaks English.

Kaya Auntie Patti Koh.... I will always iron my tongue before I go to work, so that I will not speak in English like as if the tongue has been curled by a hair curler!!!

THE UNWANTED SNOW....

Dear Auntie Patti Koh,

I am off from work today, and it is so heavenly. I have never been off on a weekend, it is always on the weekdays.

When I woke up this morning at 12noon., the snow has been falling during the early morning hours. Even if it is my day off, I still wake up at same the time. I guess my body clock is used to it, since I work from 5:30 pm to 3:00 am. Gets home at around 4:00am and by the time I get to sleep, it is already 5:00am.

Before I retire and have fallen asleep, the snow have started falling more than I was expecting. I was not expecting any more snow, since spring time is already around the corner. But when I saw the white stuff covering the roof of my neighbor's houses, as I look from my window, my house is higher than the rest of the houses in the neighborhood. My house is an old house, 73 years old to be exact. The driveway was also covered with snow, around four inches and the back and front door likewise is also covered with snow, and I have not salted and shovelled the snow. I am so tired, and I have to wait for some more time, in case there will be more snow to fall.

When I walked thru the guest room of my house, I heard somebody crying from inside. I dare not open the door, cuz this is a female friend of my wife, who is our house guest who just arrived from the Philippines four days ago. She will be with us, so said my wife, until she could find a care giver job.I will not be knocking at the door and will be asking what's bothering her.

I told my wife about it, and asked her to go upstairs and check on Irma (not the true name) and see what is bothering or if there is something amiss. My wife went upstairs and knock gently at the door of the room. Then my wife came down, with a smile in her face and was followed by Irma.

Pero Auntie Patti Koh --- I did not do anything. She was crying and was telling my wife that we cannot get out of the house anymore and we will be virtually a prisoner. She was scared of the snow that has covered the house, the front door and the back door of the house, not to mention the drive way. I told her it will melt and I will shovel it and snow blow the driverway and spread some salt. She told me that the salt in the kitchen that we have will not be enough.

I wanted to knock her head, and convert her into a snow woman at my front yard. I told her, there is a special salt that is used to melt the snow, and I showed her the truck that was passing by the front house, at the street, shoveling the snow and spreading the salt. I told her, that was the salt that I will be using, not the Morton Iodized Salt.

Pauwiin ko na ba?

INVITATION TO A WEDDING.....

Dear Auntie Patti Koh,

My wife's office mate's daughter got married today. I have to call in sick, because I am working during weekends. My off days are Tuesday and Wednesday. Plus, the girl that is going to get married is our Goddaughter. The husband comes from an Italian family from Indiana.

The service at the Catholic church was so solemn and very nice. The church is an old church that has just been renovated. I was impressed with all the murals, paintings and most of all the stained glass. The main altar is a bit crowded but in all the church is really beautiful and it is in the prime property in downtown Chicago.

Then the reception was held at Studio 501. A yuppy place and neighborhood, also in the downtown area in Chicago. The venue of the reception is at the fifth floor of an old building. It was a warehouse, but it was converted into a reception cum restaurant cum convention place. I don't have anything to say about the place, very Art Nouveau. The food is epicurian and ecclectic.

Here comes the dancing. There is a DJ on a stage, the dance floor can accommodate at at least 50 to 60 couples dancing parted away from each other. Around 70 if the couples are dancing intimately closed to each other.

I cannot understand why some women, when they are at the dance floor, they need to remove their shoes. One of the tall girl, removed her shoes, and she was really dancing with gusto. But as I look at this girl dancing on the floor, with this tall Caucasian guy, I noticed something, which I told my wife. The toes of this woman is different, and the armspit on her sleeveless dress looks different. The my wife told me this woman was a former man who had been surgical changed into a woman, and a friend of the bride. OKEY!!!!

MY friend and myself went to relieve ourselves --- me with so much cranberry juice and my friend with so much beer to drink. There are two levels of washrooms in the loft area. When we were inside the toilet --- something seems not alright with it. I was asking my friend --- how come there was no Urinal inside, the thing that you see inside the men's washroom. Then when we walked out of the washroom --- all the ladies are all staring at us.

Auntie Pattie Koh ---- I was not drunk, it was my friend so he does not care nor did he feel the stare of all these women. I felt it, cuz I was not drunk. WE ENTERED THE WOMENS WASH ROOM BY MISTAKE.

ASH WEDNESDAY IGNORANCE

Ash Wednesday, is the start of the Holidays in the coming Lent celebration for the Catholics. Ashes are being placed in to the forehead of the churchgoers to mark that they are not mortal and into dust they will be coming when they die.

One of my co-worker is a practicing Catholic and she is a Caucasian. She came in at work and the ash in her forehead is very visible. It is easy to check the markings if dark ashes with a white skin -- especially this person's skin is so pinkish and very white.

One of my co-worker was asking (let's call her Tina) Tina, why does she has those signs in her forehead. Tina kept on saying that this is the tradition that she has grown up with and ever since she could remember, so always goes to church on Ash Wednesday and the priest will put the ashes in her forhead.

Of course, one of the co-worker who belongs to a different religion keeps on pushing Tina to explain what is the reason for the ashes in the forehead.

So here I am, trying to salvage my friend Tina from this inquisitve fool, step into the conversation and explained why there are ashes on Tina's forehead.

I have to explain to this inquisitive man (let us call him Greg) Greg, that the ashes is a religious symbol and practice by the Catholics. The ashes came from the old palm leaves that was blessed last year on Palm Sunday. These are then burned and crused to make the desired ash, so it could be rub into the forehead of the believers and make a sign and markings. Likewise, I was explaining to Greg, that the sign of the ashes is also showing the mortality of the penitent, which is the Catholic believers who have made her/his way inside the church and offered her/his forehead to have the ashes placed into the forehead by the priest of designated lay minister.

Then Greg was asking me, how come the other co-worker of ours (let's call him David)said he is a professing Catholic and have just been in church to attend the Ash Wednesday service, does not have the ashes in his forehead.

I did not explain anymore to this stupid Greg anything.

Pero Auntie Patti Koh ---- Greg won't see the ashes in the forehead of David my other co-worker who is a practicing catholic, because he is an African American and the ashes could not really be noticed in this man's forehead.